Orcas, Mango Chia Pudding, & My Watermelon Bikini

August 3, 2026

Los Angeles, California

3:41 PM

Sometimes I wonder if I want too much. A lot of times I fear what is “most”. Most average, regular, whatever. 

Is it wrong to want more than what is regular? I think wanting more must be part of human nature. This is how humans have achieved such greatness over time. But in comparison, what I want seems much more emotional.

There are ants crawling all over my bathroom, in my room, and on my ceiling. They haven't bit me yet so I keep them around. I also think I read something spiritual once about ants so I would be kind of scared to kill them even if I wanted to.

I’ve been seeing 555 everywhere.

Sometimes I think way too much into my own thoughts. I am grateful for distractive joy but not rest because it doesn’t feel promised. 

I have been drinking a lot of coffee recently. Somehow my intolerance to it went away. 

The ants are now convening on my lampshade. Moving in little dancing circles. I believe they are performing for me but maybe it’s self-centered to think that.

I got a new golden credit card. 

In thinking about movement recently, I feel grateful. I watched Nico’s dad’s documentary “Finding Mango” and it made me think about how many things I am physically able to achieve on a daily basis that many in this world aren’t able to do. 

I’ve had dreams this week of eating mango chia seed pudding and swimming with my mom and orcas in the canal in front of our house (two separate dreams).

I had another dream where I was able to carve a watermelon and create an entire top and shorts out of it. I remember feeling beautiful and light walking around in my watermelon outfit. 

I came to the resolution last night that pretzels only taste good when I haven’t gotten enough sleep or eaten enough carbs. There’s a weird aftertaste sometimes. 

My paycheck today felt like love. But the fake thing you call love when you are too tired to use other words. Like a friend who is close like “love ya” but not “you”. Anyways, my paycheck felt nice but not without the effort felt from its origin.

I have fake glasses I wear that create blind spots. Today I was driving and almost hit a lady crossing the street with a stroller. It doesn’t make it any better that the stroller just had a dog in it but, I almost cried. I’m thinking no more fake glasses for me while driving.