I Learned How To Make Pumpkin Spice Lattes Today

August 26, 2026

Beverly Hills, CA

3:27 PM

Apparently it’s a full moon in a few days. But not the kind of full moon that you recharge crystals or manifest for. Apparently the lunar eclipse is throwing everything out of whack. Perhaps it’s placebo but I’ve been feeling crazy these last few days.

I saw Los Angeles as beautiful last night. I think it was something about people on the beach on a Tuesday night. 

I am at work right now. I painted my nails copper last night and they match my hair.

I put some honey on a drink sleeve to catch a fly that was landing on the scones. Somehow it died without landing in my trap. I found it on the floor in the break room spinning in circles with one wing broken and had to put it down.

4:13 PM

Just took a bunch of orders. Mostly hot americanos. There is a heat wave happening right now but I learned how to make pumpkin spice lattes today. 

Iced green tea with mint leaves.

I found $100 in my wallet last night.

There is a table of two old men and a table of two old women, separate. Double date?

My new thing is every week I buy a new nail polish from the beauty supply store around the corner. I really want a neon yellow one. Like the neon of middle school boys’ Adidas shirts.

Going to walk home from work later and look at the flowers. I feel like when the sun goes down the flowers come out more. It’s my favorite time to walk.

I’ve realized I find it really hard to rely on people. I always feel more safe when I have a backup plan that typically only involves myself. 

I’m writing this on the back of a baguette coloring sheet. 

I’m waiting to get ice until it melts and I can fill the whole bin.

I spilled agave syrup all over my hands.

A Sheep Escaping Cyclops Cave

August 15, 2026

Marin, CA

8:20 AM

The water and sky are glowing. But different kinds of glowing. One from light and one from movement. Maybe they are the same. 

I want to go swimming, but the water is too cold. 

My kiwi nails make me feel a bit Shrek-like. 

Last night watching my friends perform was one of the most beautiful nights of my life. It’s rare to feel such filling moments of emotion. I’m not quite sure how to name the emotions that came, but it felt like boiling and steam coming through my eyes and the heat felt warm even though I knew how hot it was. 

It’s a beautiful morning. Sitting on polka dot pillows. I love feeling like a girl.

Pelicans are definitely one of my favorite types of birds. I cried last night. I got a little embarrassed. It felt special but I didn’t want anyone to see it.

Do I know that what I’m feeling is right and actual to the moment? 

Sometimes rest and excitement feels like a push and then you’re still thinking about the other side of it. Like pretending to be sheep and escaping Cyclops Cave. I’m trying to float my way into it instead of swimming. 

I feel so blessed. It’s interesting to think about how bodies of water mean different things in different places. 

I know these things:

I like being a sister.

I want to look through a telescope.

I want to ride a unicycle.

I love making sundaes.

I want to get a dog.

I want to hold my hand.

I want to run. 

I love looking at clouds over water.

Orcas, Mango Chia Pudding, & My Watermelon Bikini

August 3, 2026

Los Angeles, California

3:41 PM

Sometimes I wonder if I want too much. A lot of times I fear what is “most”. Most average, regular, whatever. 

Is it wrong to want more than what is regular? I think wanting more must be part of human nature. This is how humans have achieved such greatness over time. But in comparison, what I want seems much more emotional.

There are ants crawling all over my bathroom, in my room, and on my ceiling. They haven't bit me yet so I keep them around. I also think I read something spiritual once about ants so I would be kind of scared to kill them even if I wanted to.

I’ve been seeing 555 everywhere.

Sometimes I think way too much into my own thoughts. I am grateful for distractive joy but not rest because it doesn’t feel promised. 

I have been drinking a lot of coffee recently. Somehow my intolerance to it went away. 

The ants are now convening on my lampshade. Moving in little dancing circles. I believe they are performing for me but maybe it’s self-centered to think that.

I got a new golden credit card. 

In thinking about movement recently, I feel grateful. I watched Nico’s dad’s documentary “Finding Mango” and it made me think about how many things I am physically able to achieve on a daily basis that many in this world aren’t able to do. 

I’ve had dreams this week of eating mango chia seed pudding and swimming with my mom and orcas in the canal in front of our house (two separate dreams).

I had another dream where I was able to carve a watermelon and create an entire top and shorts out of it. I remember feeling beautiful and light walking around in my watermelon outfit. 

I came to the resolution last night that pretzels only taste good when I haven’t gotten enough sleep or eaten enough carbs. There’s a weird aftertaste sometimes. 

My paycheck today felt like love. But the fake thing you call love when you are too tired to use other words. Like a friend who is close like “love ya” but not “you”. Anyways, my paycheck felt nice but not without the effort felt from its origin.

I have fake glasses I wear that create blind spots. Today I was driving and almost hit a lady crossing the street with a stroller. It doesn’t make it any better that the stroller just had a dog in it but, I almost cried. I’m thinking no more fake glasses for me while driving.

Star Sprinkles, Lime Juice & Tequila, and the Idea of Jello

July 25, 2026 

Crystal River, FL

7:50 PM

Palm frond water. Mint green nails chipping. I’m going to have eaten a lot of chicken by the end of the day. Sometimes being a carnivore makes me feel heavy. I need a carrot juice celery root ginger cleanse when I get back to LA. 

Writing freedom is something I can't be sure if I have fully ever experienced. I think a lot about what I write. My mind moves faster than my hand can write so maybe that’s inevitable. I like this sparkly silver notebook from Publix though. 

I don’t want to argue with anyone. But sometimes I do want to. I stormed upstairs today and my mom called me a child. Part of me liked it. Sometimes I don’t want to feel like I’m her equal, as an adult. That’s my mom. 

Star sprinkles, lime juice & tequila, the idea of Jello. That’s my vibe right now. There is something cool about writing on cheap paper. 

I keep thinking about Animal Farm for some reason. I remember my grandfather's memorial. Standing at the bar, I was five and watching porpoise jump. I can’t remember who told me to look at the dolphins but I remember seeing them and not much else.

My boyfriend says he likes my handwriting because it is me. I can barely even read it. 

I go back to Los Angeles tomorrow, I get to eat turkey sandwiches on the plane. This is good. 

Sometimes every issue feels so small that I magnify the biggest of the small ones. Like being skinny. Very few people in Florida are as skinny as they are on average in Los Angeles. But most people here are happy and I’m tired of this being a focus. 

I’ve been self-censoring a lot recently. I’m tired of that too. Sometimes I even censor myself when writing like this. Disconnection isn’t the bliss it felt like at first. I’m too good at dissociating. I can pretend but in reality I am not just a spectator to my life. 

It is easy for me to say that I write what I know, but when you don’t feel connected to yourself how can you know that what you know is really what you are? I have forgotten how to speak straight.

Anyways, what you focus on becomes your reality. Therefore, in coming to terms with myself in this way I think it can be better protested. Everything is temporary generally.